Yes, it's been a long time

I just made a post on my other blog about being a perfectionist. I was typing that while the kids ate lunch. In the middle of lunch AT, who is the eldest, decided she'd rather color a coloring book picture. She told me she was adding rain drops so the flower could grow. Then she told me she was drawing roots. We had a "lesson" on roots and photosynthesis. That's about as much schooling as we've done in weeks. Home school is a big area where "perfectionism" shows in me. I am having an incredibly difficult time getting any real, actual lessons done with the 2 youngest ones around. They aren't interested in school so much as interested in being jealous, thus disruptive, that another kid is getting a few minutes of undivided attention.

I did manage to get 88 pages of materials printed, cut and laminated (there was a 1/2 off sale) but I haven't been able to get to cutting them out. I am really disappointed in all this. It takes a lot of work to prepare for home school and I just don't get the time or help from my husband that it takes to do it. I have a wonderful neighbor, who may be the only one who ever reads this, who has offered to help. Here's a confession: I don't accept her help because I want my husband to see me struggling because he's promised time and again to be helpful to me and he's not doing it. Because he's not really helping, I finally got him to agree to ask his dad to help us buy some of the materials. He hasn't done that either. My friend's friend homeschools in a major way. Her advice was: If you're going to do it, it has to be a family decision. Your husband has got to be on board. At first I took this to mean he has to believe in home school, but really, it means he has to be involved, helpful, in order for it to really happen. Even if you have money to buy all the materials, he'd still have to help with the kids so you have lesson planning time. Or, I suppose, make enough money that you can hire a baby sitter every weekend. He's making lots of money so that would be his contribution, I guess.
But in my life, this means I need his time and effort. Which, given the history of our relationship - I've got to accept that it just isn't going to happen. I've either got to figure out how to do it on my own - and not resent him for it. Or give up the idea - and not resent him for it. Do any of you, imaginary friends, have non-supportive partners?